Two week review

Emmett and I have been together alone for two weeks now. In some ways the first days of the second week were harder than the entire first week. His feeding schedule had gotten off track. He was eating odd amounts at odd times and he was cranky. So I tried to get him back on track by delaying his feedings by 30 minutes to an hour when I could keep him calm. That made things worse. We had a very unhappy baby. I wasn't sleeping. Okay, I don't get a lot of sleep to start with, but it had gotten worse. That lasted less than two days. By Wednesday I was feeding on demand again.


Then on Thursday things started to get better. He was falling into a routine on his own and that night- I'm almost hesitant to say this for fear of jinxing us- Thursday he slept through the night. He slept from 10pm to 4am and as I understand it, six hours is considered sleeping through the night. We were thrilled. The last two nights he has slept 5.5 hours, which is close enough to six hours for us to be happy. In addition to sleeping through the night, he is feeding consistently again. During the day he eats less frequently than early evenings and night is when he goes the longest. We're hoping to get him to a point where he eats every night at eleven and then sleeps until five the next day. Right now his last feeding varies between 10 and midnight. We're not going to push for a consistent time though. We know better now.

I mentioned in my last post that we think he smiled on Thursday. We are now sure that was an intentional smile. We're excited to have reached this milestone and love it when he surprises us with his adorable smile. Hopefully I'll have some pictures soon. We just can't always predict when he's going to do it yet. Or what he thinks is funny enough for a smile.

Crys and I are doing much better. We're starting to find our balance as a couple again. Our balance is easy to maintain but can be difficult to find once we get off. We've had a few good talks and we've both made some necessary changes.

In the end, our week that started out difficult turned into a pretty good one!

One month

Dear Emmett,

You are one month old today. A month ago you were still just a heartbeat on the monitor that we couldn't wait to meet. Today you are a big, healthy, alert baby and we can't imagine our lives without you.

This month you amazed everyone at your two week appointment with an 11.6 pound weigh in. You also peed all over the exam table. You've peed through your clothes onto mom a couple of times. Mama C hasn't experienced this yet but she will. You have a cute little belly button and love head rubs. You're becoming aware of your surroundings and like looking around. You don't like tummy time but have very good control of your head when you're being held. You like music and laying on your back so you can stretch out your arms and legs. You're charming when you meet new people and save being cranky for your mommies. You love your swing and car rides. We think you smiled for the first time today and look forward to more smiles, hearing your first giggle and all of your other firsts.

Sometimes when I'm holding you, I wonder if I'll remember these days when you're grown. Will I remember holding you while you sleep or the way you grab my fingers while you eat? Will I remember the way you waved your arms and legs while we played music on the radio or how you liked to fall asleep listening to my heartbeat? Sometimes when I hold you I see what you'll look like as a toddler, a boy, adolescent and man. I look forward to seeing you grow up but can't help be sad that your babies days will be gone before we know it.

Sometimes it feels like you've been here forever, making our lives better. Sometimes it feels like we just brought you home. You are one month old today.

Love,
Mom

Mom date

Last night was my mom date with SAB. Her husband watched their baby and Crys spent a large chunk of time (four hours) with Emmett alone for the first time. Sadly, she misunderstood my intentions for stretching out his feeding schedule and she let him cry for an hour. She and Emmett had a rough night. My plan had just been to keep him calm for as long as possible if he was getting hungry too soon after his last feeding. Twice I put him in his swing as he was waking up and giving us those early "feed me" cues. But as soon as he got fussy, I just fed him. Anyway, Crys and Emmett survived and I think Crys is proud of being able to take care of him by herself.

SAB and I went out for dinner and then saw Angels and Demons. It was okay. We both decided the book had too much plot for one movie. So some major things were left out of the script. But the movie still worked. Mostly. In my opinion, they left out some of the more interesting plot lines, but that's just me.

Yesterday morning when were making our plans, I was trying to decide if this was something I really wanted to do. SAB had her baby three weeks before me, so I think it was little easier for her to go out without him. By the time she came to pick me up, I was ready to go out. Emmett was really cranky all afternoon and the dogs were being naughty at the same time. It was a rough day.

Going out was good for me. It sounds like SAB wants to do this on a regular basis, which is just fine with me. Crys needs more time alone with Emmett and I need more time with other adults. It's a win-win situation.

Routine interrupted

I was as happy to have Crys home for the long weekend as I was for her to go back to work last week. By the end of the week I was tired and ready for some extra help. The only problem? The beginnings of a promising routine were interrupted and now we start over. I spent the weekend trying to take advantage of Crys and taking some extra cat naps and sleeping in. But it didn't work out so well. Friday I was up almost all night and last night I didn't fall asleep until after midnight. Sleeping during the day usually prevents me from sleeping at night. I should know better by now.

Emmett felt the change too and was eating odd amounts at odd times. He'd take six ounces and less than two hours later want more. We were getting close to five hours between most feedings but that's gone. Now its between two and four hours. I'm working on getting him back to every four hours on a more regular basis with the help of his swing. It held off one feeding this morning. We'll see if it works again this afternoon. I hate doing it, but I think he's getting fussy from eating too much.

Other than the sleep/eating issues, we had a good long weekend. It was spent mostly just hanging out at home. Yesterday we went on a mission to find a sun hat for Emmett. Since we carry him as much as possible, we have to figure out a way to keep the sun out of his eyes. T.arget had some cute hats, but they were all way to big for him. We managed yesterday to find two hats, one at O.ld Navy and one at B.aby Gap. They're both incredibly adorable on him. No pics yet, but here are some pictures of the too big hats and one of Emmett in his stroller. You can tell he's thrilled by our outing to find hats.

Week one review

So, how did my first week home with Emmett by myself and Crys's first week back to work go? All in all, pretty good. I mean, I managed to blog every day, on Wednesday and Friday it meant giving up a shower when Emmett decided to nap less than normal. But that's my own fault. Shower first, blog later. Lesson learned for next week.

Emmett is as sweet and adorable as ever. There were very few moments where I felt completely overwhelmed by him or the prospect of caring for him by myself for most of the day. There were a few days he didn’t sleep very much and needed more attention than usual. That was a little difficult but we made it through just fine.

My relationship with Crys is taking a bit of a hit though. We aren’t bickering like we were last week. That’s easier to deal with. Crys feels a bit neglected. I feel a bit resentful that she feels neglected when we have an infant to care for. Crys feels like she doesn't get enough time with Emmett but at the same time wants some time to herself in the evenings. I feel like I'm not getting any time to myself at all.

Before she went to bed last night, we had a discussion about her frustration. It concerns me a little. When Crys gets it in her head that she can't do something she gives up completely. Its a habit she has that drives me crazy, but we get around it. I have plenty of bad habits myself. Right now she feels like she isn't a very good mother. This isn't something she can just give up on. She knows that and is trying to deal with it. I'm having trouble being as encouraging as I should be, but all things considered, I think that’s understandable. I suggested counseling. She had to see a counselor before we got pregnant to sort out a few issues. It wouldn't hurt for her to go back just to help with the adjustment period. Actually, it probably wouldn't hurt for us to go together. I might start encouraging her a little more enthusiastically if she doesn't decide on her own to go.

Like I said, all in all this week has gone pretty well. Every couple has issues when they have a new baby so I’m not worried about our problems right now. We’re both committed to raising Emmett and doing it together. There are just a few bumps in the road. These certainly aren’t the first bumps for us and certainly won’t be the last.

Not a competition

I know infant height and weight aren't a competition. The fact that my child just happens to be a monster baby (that may be a bit of an exaggeration) doesn't mean he's better or worse or more developed or less developed than any other babies. But that doesn't mean I wasn't amused this morning when I saw a friend's status on FB said, "GS has a 15.3 pound three month old". I almost commented that my three week old is close to 12 pounds. But like I said, this baby business isn't a competition. So I'm not going to say anything about it.

Its hard not to compare notes with other parents when it comes to baby size. I love how big he is with his fat cheeks and legs. He's a sturdy newborn that more than one person has said they feel comfortable holding because they aren't afraid of breaking him. I'm trying to lay off the, "how big is s/he?" stuff. I'm sure that would get annoying. Luckily, I don't know that many people with infants. I can't guarantee I won't write about how big he's getting on my blog though.

SKN commented that he looks pretty small in his photos and he does. Especially when he's all curled up and cuddling with an adult. Eleven pounds still isn't that big, is it? Here are a few pictures that show him at his smallest and his biggest. The first two photos he's one week old and the last photo he's two weeks old. That picture is with Grandpa Randy (Crys's dad).

So much for that

Remember how yesterday I said Emmett ate himself to sleep? And remember how Monday and Tuesday I accomplish more than I'd expected? So much for that. Yesterday I had enough time to write that post and then he woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep the rest of the day (I should have used the time for a shower instead of writing a blog). Wait, he would go to sleep but would wake up as soon as I tried to put him in his crib. He was wide awake almost all day, which was great, I enjoy seeing how alert he's become. But I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and being tired is what triggers my baby blues. So he'd cry then I'd cry and we did that for part of the afternoon. When Crys came home I let her get a few things done and then handed over Emmett so I could take a wonderfully long shower and then take our dogs for a walk. Then I spent about half an hour hiding in the basement.

Emmett's cord stump fell off today. Thanks to Strawberry for the comment about her doctor's advice. It's funny how much doctors can differ. We didn't specifically ask our GP about rubbing alcohol so I'm not sure what he'd say. Anyway, the stump is gone and we're happy about that.

I've grown tired of the adults I see every day. That could be because I only see three. Crys and my parents. I love all three of them, but I've been craving contact with other people. I feel a little isolated here at home, even though I get out regularly. Maybe its part of getting used to having a baby, but even when I do things like go out with Emmett or visit my co-workers, I still feel a bit isolated. SAB and I are planning a movie date without the boys next week and are going to start going for walks a couple times a week with the boys. That should help. I'm excited to start spending more time with another adult. Especially another adult going through the same things I am.

Emmett is three weeks today and if I've learned anything, it's that as soon as I figure him out, he changes. He is unpredictable and makes me eat my words constantly. But at the same time he's become somewhat predictable. Some days we know exactly what he wants (bottle, diaper change, etc) and other days I'm making bottles he refuses to eat because I've misread his signals. Its a challenge but its rewarding, I just love it when he cuddles up to me and when he looks into my eyes during feedings. It makes everything else worth it.

The ties that bind

Emmett just ate himself to sleep. That always amuses me and I'm always very happy when he manages to eat himself to sleep at 3am. Typically he only does that during the day though. These days, at 3am the only way to get him to sleep is to sleep in the recliner with him, a habit I'm trying not to start but have been too tired to find another way to get him to sleep. We're working on that.

In the hospital we were told Emmett's umbilical cord stump would fall off in 7-10 days. He is almost 3 weeks and still has his stump. Our doctor wasn't concerned at his two week appointment. A friend said his son's stump took a month to fall off. We're not worried. But my parents claim it hasn't fallen off because we haven't put any rubbing alcohol on it. That's what they did for all their kids so of course it's the right thing to do. They've even made thinly veiled hints at putting rubbing alcohol on it the next time they baby sit, which is this Friday. I'm thinking about putting a stay on all babysitting until either the stump falls off or I can trust they'll respect that we don't care what they did, we're not putting anything on it. It isn't hurting anyone and will fall off in time. It's looking like we're going to butt heads with my parents frequently when it comes to our parenting decisions. But that's the subject of an upcoming post so I won't get into it right now.

Even though the stump isn't hurting anyone and we're perfectly willing to let it fall off on its own, it has become something of an annoyance. We're not sure if holding him close to us irritates the stump or hurts him, especially since we can tell its starting to loosen up. Its been bleeding lightly on and off for the last week or so and no matter how often we take off his clothes knowing we'll see blood, it's always a little concerning seeing him bleed. Bath time is still sponge baths but we don't seem to be getting any better at it. I'm sure the sponge baths are better for him right now anyway since it means he doesn't get very wet. His skin isn't dry at all. In fact, until a few days ago his hands and feet were flaking like crazy. That's gotten better. No doubt not being submerged helped with that. But I can't help wonder if being able to submerge him will make bathing easier.

Then there's the creepy factor. I think it looks creepy. Considering that stump is the last vestige of our connection from his days in the womb, I feel like it shouldn't. But I wouldn't be who I am if it didn't. It'll fall off in good time. We just need to be patient.

Accomplished

I haven't done very much over the last two days, but I feel accomplished all the same. Yesterday I did manage to get myself ready to go, eat lunch and get Emmett out the door all in time to make it to the baby shower for my former co-worker. I was really excited to manage that, it was my only goal for the day.

Two of my co-workers were at the shower, which was across campus from where we work so I offered to give them a ride back to the office. I had been toying with the idea of stopping by the anyway. It was nice to visit with my co-workers and be around people I don't already see all the time. Right now I mostly just see Crys and my parents. After that, it was almost time for Crys to get off work so we just went and hung out with her until she was off. The semester is over but summer camps haven't started so Crys isn't all that busy at work right now. Then we went by my mom's work. We had stopped by last week but a woman we'd gotten a lot of free stuff from wasn't there. So we had to go back this week. Finally, last night was the first time since Emmett was born that I went anywhere without Emmett and Crys. I went to the store for formula. It was wonderfully quiet in the car by myself.

Today I finished our thank you notes, had a visit from my friend SAB, whose son was born at the beginning of April and did some light cleaning. All of this was done between feedings and spending time with Emmett. Oh, I also did some online shopping. It's scary how easy it is to spend money when you aren't going to work every day. I bought a onsie from Little Lefties for my niece that says "I love my aunties" and one for Emmett that says "I love my mommies". Both have rainbow lettering. I also bought a book for my niece called "The Paper Bag Princess". It's about a princess who outsmarts a dragon to save her prince. Then when the prince doesn't like that she's dressed in a paper bag because of the dragon, she leaves him and skips off into the sunset alone. For Emmett, I bought "And Tango Makes Three", "Heather Has Two Mommies" and "The Different Dragon", he already has a copy of the princess book.

It's been a good couple of days.

Just the two of us

Crys went back to work today. She's been sad about the thought of going back for the last week of her leave. It certainly does make life more difficult but at the same time, I'm happy she's back to work. We were starting to bicker, something that happens when we're both tired and we spend too much time together. I just wish she only had to work part time. Then we could have some time away from each other but she'd still be here most of the day.

Right now I'm hoping Emmett will fall asleep so I can take a shower. It's not looking good. He's wide awake, hanging out in his swing at the moment with no signs of sleepiness. So showering is now much more difficult to accomplish. Not a big deal, but I'd like to go to a baby shower for a former coworker in a few hours and a shower is necessary before I'll leave the house.

Another difficulty is sleep. Emmett has a night time routine (we're still working on day time), which is great. But it's early morning heavy. He eats around 9, 12, 3:30 and 8. We were going consistently 4 hours between feeding but as you can see, we've gone back to about three hours. But, at least it's predictable. I'm just going to have to start going to bed earlier and taking naps more regularly in the afternoons. Hopefully Crys will be back on her normal shift that starts at 10am soon (right now she has to be in at 6:30) and that will help mornings go a little better.

Now for some entertainment. This weekend we recorded Emmett's first dance party...

I love...

I love the way it sounds like he giggles already, even though I know he can't. I love that he fits perfectly in my arms and how his hair gets soft and fuzzy after a bath. I love how we put him to bed laying vertically and he wakes up laying diagonally. I love it when he eats himself to sleep and the way his little legs make it almost impossible to change his diapers because he pulls them close to his body. I love the way he moves his arms and legs wildly before he wakes up and when we lay him on his back (when he's awake). I love it when I'm feeding him and he wraps his little fingers around mine. I love the way he cuddles and the way he looks in sleepers. I love his flat little ears and big feet. I love the look on Crys's face when she looks at him and listening to her reading him stories. I love that he usually gives us a five minute warning that he's going to scream for his bottle. I love the look on his face when we use the bath brush on his head. I love his pathetic little squeaks and the way he cries briefly in his sleep without ever opening his eyes. I love the way he looks in rompers and how he looks like a vampire baby when a bit of formula trickles down the side of his mouth. I love it when he gets hungry and tries to eat his fists, which prevents us from getting the bottle in his mouth. I love the way sometimes it looks like he knows he's messing with us. I love it when we try to give him the pacifier and he keeps his mouth open and shakes his head until we take it away. I love that when I was crying multiple times a day, that changing his diaper while he screamed was the best cure for my baby blues. I love his chubby cheeks and when he makes a tiny 'o' with his mouth. I love that we still have no idea what color his hair will be. I love how charming he can be when he's awake. I love that pop music calms him down when he's really angry. I love that he has a dimple on his left cheek but not his right. I love that he thinks he has better control of his head than he really does.

I love this boy and can't imagine what life would be like without him.

Matters of the heart

In one of my recent posts, I mentioned that Emmett had an irregular heartbeat during labor and for a few days after birth. It occurred to me that this is really part of our birth story but I didn't include anything about it. So here it is...

During all of my prenatal appointments and ultrasounds, Emmett's heart sounded just fine. There was nothing to suggest that he wasn't a perfectly healthy baby. Within half an hour of going into labor, the nurse could hear a skip in his heartbeat. It would happen every couple of beats for a bit and then his heart would sound just fine for awhile. In the beginning, his heart sounded normal more than irregular, but the longer I was in labor, the more often we heard the irregularity. Our nurse said it was nothing to worry about, a lot of babies have transitional heartbeats during labor. It's perfectly normal.

Then she asked another nurse to come listen, just in case. The other nurse agreed that it was a just a transitional heartbeat and said we shouldn't worry. We were a little worried, but not too much. Around noon our nurse brought in the charge nurse to listen, again, just in case. The charge nurse assured us it was normal and not to worry. A few hours later a nurse going through orientation was brought in to listen so she'd know what an irregular heartbeat sounded like. But it wasn't something to worry about. Thinking back, I probably should have have been more worried. An awful lot of people listened to his heartbeat for it to be just nothing.

Then we went in for the c-section and before we knew it, our son was here, breathing and screaming and sounding perfectly healthy. We forgot about the irregularity. Until we were in recovery and told the on call doctor for our GP's practice ordered a heart monitor until at least the next day. When we got to our postpartum room, our nurse put five of those sticky circles they use on adults on his little body and hooked him up to wires and a box that monitored his heart. She wrapped him and the box in a blanket and gave him back to us, actually, to my family who were visiting us by that time. Crys and I were so tired I don't think it really registered that his heart was being monitored. Plus, we didn't see her put him on the monitor. Crys was calling her family when it happened and I couldn't get out of bed. The nurse stood so I couldn't really see what she was doing. If we had seen him being put on the monitor, it may have sunk in that this really wasn't that normal and we should probably be worried. The only picture we have is one my brother took with his cell phone and we didn't see it until a few days after leaving the hospital. Now it sounds like something scary. At the time, it didn't seem that bad.

The next day our GP checked him out and said they'd monitored him enough so that could stop. But he was sending the information to a pediatric specialist to make sure everything checked out. But it was probably nothing, this was strictly a precaution. She was fairly certain his heart was just fine, but requested an EKG, just in case. A lot of people were doing a lot of things, "just in case". The next day we were told that he still had an irregularity but the EKG was just fine and the irregularity should clear up in a few more days, nothing to worry about.

At his first appointment with our GP after leaving the hospital, his heart was just fine. No more skipped beats. Our perfectly healthy baby was finally a perfectly healthy baby. Part of me is upset that everyone downplayed the potential problem with my son's heart. Too many people came in to listen and too many tests were run for his irregularity to really be nothing to worry about. But at the same time, I'm glad it didn't really sink in until after we left the hospital how bad this could have been. It wouldn't have done any good for me to be in labor, freaking out about it. Especially since, in the end, it really was nothing to worry about.

Appointment extravaganza

Its been a busy couple of days around here. I cut off all my hair yesterday morning and went to the OB. Then this morning was Emmett's two week appointment with our GP.

My appointment went better than we thought it would. It looked like a new fluid pocket had developed on the left side of my incision, which we thought would be a problem. There is a new pocket, but the doctor isn't too concerned because it pretty small and will most likely heal before the existing fluid pocket. The pain between my left hip and incision is normal, its because I'm using those muscles regularly again. Thankfully its hurting less. All the pain is getting better. I've been off the p.ercocet most of the week and hope to stop taking the i.buprofen soon. The best news is that I can start driving again. I do still have some restriction, I'm still not supposed to go up and down stairs unless I have to and not while I'm carrying anything, I can't vacuum (which is Crys's job anyway) and I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than the baby.

Emmett's appointment was great. He's doing everything he's supposed to and growing fast. He weighed in at 11 pounds and 5.8 ounces. I asked if we need to be concerned about his rapid growth but the doctor said no, he's still within normal growth range. He was moving his arms and legs the entire time we were at the appointment and peed through is diaper onto the table. So basically he was demonstrating just how well he is doing for our doctor. The doctor was very pleased with Emmett and so were we.

My haircut was the most drastic of our appointments this week. I haven't cut my hair in more than two years. Between that, the pregnancy hormones and prenatal vitamins, I had some very long, very thick hair. The last time I cut it, I donated my hair to locks of love. I decided to do it again because my hair probably won't ever be that long again. Turns out the rules have changed since the last time and it had to be twelve inches braided. The twelve inches were no problem, but it didn't leave much for me. Actually, my hair ended up being quite a bit shorter than I had planned. When its not humid out (and pretty soon, there won't be many days when its not) my hair looks pretty good, otherwise its pretty frizzy. Just one of the many perks of naturally curly hair. Luckily, I have six weeks before I go back to work for my cut to grew out a little bit. Its not that I hate the cut, I'll just be happy when my hair has a little more length to it again.

Road trip!

We took a road trip on Monday and Tuesday to visit Crys's dad and grandma. Her dad is has a lot of health problems and doesn't travel well so he hadn't seen Emmett yet. He had talked about coming to visit after Emmett was born, when we were still in the hospital. But that would have involved him taking a bus and Crys taking care of him (driving, cooking, etc for him) instead of spending time with us. Luckily, Randy's road trip to Lincoln didn't work out. It just would have complicated things if he'd tried to come at that time. So we promised to make it out to see him as soon as possible after Emmett was born. Monday was the soonest we could make it out and everyone seemed happy with that arrangement. Randy only lives two hours away so it wasn't a big deal to make it out there.

We left later than we'd planned because I decided to try give Crys a full night sleep by taking care of Emmett all night. I woke her once to feed him, but he was a fussy baby Sunday night and I spent quite a bit of time trying to get him to sleep. She got up for the day around six, right about when I was going back to bed and I ended up sleeping until nine. We didn't end up leaving until after noon. But it worked out okay, we left Right after Emmett ate and he spent the entire car ride sleeping. When we got there he spent the rest of the afternoon sleeping (except when he woke up long enough to eat). But after supper he was quite the little charmer. He was awake for a couple of hours and happy. Everyone just loved him. Especially Crys's grandma who spent quite a bit of time talking and singing to him. They were good friends by the end of the visit.

When he was tyring to impress grandpa and great grandma, he was adorable and happy and easy to please. When mommies were trying to sleep he was pretty fussy. So we had a rough night. I can't say I blame the little guy though. His cord stump is starting to fall off and it seems like wearing clothes aggravates it a little bit. We ran out of all the samples for one brand of formula and switched to the other right before we left- the new brand makes him constipated. And great grandma decided to keep her house insanely hot for the little baby. So life was hard Monday night. Once again, I spent the most of the night trying to calm the fussy baby and only woke Crys once so she could feed him.

It was a rough couple of days for me all around. We were changing Emmett on the living room floor and after two days of getting up and down on a regular basis, I was really sore and taking p.ercocet again after almost a full week of not taking it (I'd just been taking prescription i.burofen). I've also been having pain between my incision and my right hip. It only really hurts when I'm lying down in bed and try to roll over or get up but it's plenty painful. It's starting to worry me so we're going to ask the doctor about it at my appointment on Thursday.

We're still irrigating my incision twice a day and it was looking really good, but the heat at grandma's house may have contributed to a backslide in my progress. After we got home on Tuesday night, we discovered that it's gotten a little red and the drainage isn't clear anymore. The doctor isn't going to be happy when she sees that and I'm a little worried about getting an infection. I'm ready for my incision to be healed. But I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. My seroma is on the right side and there's an opening on the left side where the skin is still healing. My incision should be fully healed by now but I won't be surprised if it takes another two weeks.

Some good news...Emmett is sleeping in his crib without the travel bed! Crys decided last night was the perfect time to try transition him to the crib. I thought that between the trip and being constipated, we should wait. But Mama C was right, he slept just fine!

Could it have been different?

Almost since the moment we decided to induce, I've wondered if I was making the right choice. I didn't want P.itocin or an epidural. I especially didn't want a c-section. But here I am, a week and a few days out from experiencing all three, by my choice (my doctor may have been the one who said we were doing a c-section but I'm the one who signed the consent). I've tried not to think about it too much, but I was surprised by the quick ease with which I consented to all the interventions I wanted to avoid. So this has been on my mind a bit over the last week or so.

The decision to induce was the culmination of a few different factors. I've spent a lot of time writing about how we knew Emmett was going to be a big baby. Sometimes I think it seemed like his size was a bit of an obsession. But it really wasn't. I knew he'd be born one way or another. However, after sitting at one centimeter dilated for a week, I was worried that we could go a long time waiting for Emmett to decide to be born. How big would he be if we waited? If I insisted on going the full 42 weeks, he could have been 11 pounds. Not a desirable size for natural birth. Not to mention, I'd be going to L&D for biophysical feedback tests at least twice a week until I delivered. Also not desirable. Then there was my blood pressure, which was only getting worse. My body wasn't dealing well with my pregnancy anymore and I was headed for bed rest. Induction just made more sense to us than waiting.

The decision to get the epidural is the only one I regret and really, I just regret not waiting a little longer to get it. My L&D nurse knew I was planning to get one when I needed it and I felt like she pressured me a little to just get it and be done with it. If I was going to get one anyway, why wait? Sometimes I wonder if that's what stalled my labor since I got the epidural and my labor stalled at five centimeters. Crys had asked if the epidural would do that and the nurse told us that the p.itocin would keep my contractions coming so that wasn't a risk. Still, I regret not trying to stick it out a little longer, even though my options for pain management were limited. I could have gone for narcotics, but I didn't want to deal with the high and lows that come with narcotics and my understanding is that you still feel the pain, you just don't care. If I was going to get pain meds, I was going the full monty and getting the epidural.

My decision to go ahead with the c-section was also the culmination of a few different factors. The p.itocin was working, my contractions were strong and regular. The nurse explained that I should have been dilating, but I wasn't. The OB told me she could feel a pointy little head trying hard to make progress, but I wasn't. I could have requested to stay on the p.itocin overnight. With the epidural, I could have gotten plenty of sleep. Because I was on an epidural pump, I didn't feel highs and lows of pain relief. It was continuous. I would have slept just fine. But how long could Emmett stand the p.itocin? I didn't want my desire to avoid a c-section put him at risk, especially with his irregular heartbeat. The irregularity is gone now, but his heart skipped every couple of beats the entire time I was in labor and for three of four days after delivery. After he was born he was on a heart monitor overnight and had an EKG. Not to mention, my blood pressure was elevated, which is normal (to a point) during labor but my readings were getting to the point where I was at risk for seizures.

Sometimes when I sit down and think about my labor experience, especially the way I wrote about it in this blog, I forget how many factors affected my decisions. I start to think it could have been different, that I could have had the experience I wanted after all. But of everything I decided before going into labor, there were only two things I was not going to back down on. 1. The outcome I wanted, regardless of anything in my birth plan was a healthy baby and for me to be healthy 2. I would not fight my doctor. After nine months of appointments, Crys and I both trusted her to do what was best for me and the baby. If she said I needed a c-section, that's what I needed.

So in the end, I don't regret my experience. Sure, my recovery is probably more difficult than if I'd been able to deliver naturally. Even with pain medication, I still feel pain in my incision when I get in and out of chairs or bed. I feel it when I cough, sneeze or laugh. I can't carry anything heavier than my son and he's actually more than I'm supposed to lift. I can't carry laundry downstairs. A trip to the grocery store was almost too much for me. But I have a fat, healthy baby I absolutely adore. In the end, that's enough to make it all worth it.

Ginger baby? Maybe

S.outh Park has been a bad influence on me. C.artman's habit of hating everything (Jews, hippies, red headed kids, etc) amuses me. One of my favorite episodes was when the other kids died his hair red and he became a ginger kid messiah of sorts. Cracked me up. I don't know if calling someone ginger is offensive, I certainly don't mean it to be.

Anyway, its hard to tell what color hair Emmett is going to have. Right after he was born I could have sworn he was going to be blonde. Then for awhile, we weren't sure if his hair was going to be blonde, red or brunette. We ruled out blonde a few days after getting home from the hospital. Red and brunette are still in the running and I hope we have a ginger baby. In fact, that's what I call him sometimes, especially when he looks more red headed than brown. As a kid, I always wanted to have red hair, so if my baby turns out to be a red head, I'll be pretty happy.

Happy Mother's Day

One year ago on Mother's Day we were half way through the two week wait to find out if we were pregnant on our first try (we weren't). This was also the day we told our parents we were trying to get pregnant.

A year later I'm watching my beautiful son sleep as I type this. My partner, who I couldn't have done this without, is in our bedroom sleeping in after taking the 2am feeding. Life is good.

Happy Mother's day to all the different types of mothers out there.

What about mama C?

Emmett and Crys are both napping. Most days, if not in the afternoon, I have an hour to myself in the mornings when Emmett falls asleep after his morning feeding and Crys is sleeping after her shift. Despite the fact that I love this moments to myself, I still often feel the need to hold Emmett while he sleeps or wake up Crys so I'll have company.

I wanted to take a minute to write about how wonderful Crys has been. This morning I woke her up after she'd only gotten a few hours of sleep because I thought Emmett needed to get up. He had just been making noise in his sleep and she tried to tell me that, but I insisted she get up anyway. It was another two hours before Emmett woke up to eat. She wasn't mad or annoyed at my insistent or to lost two hours of sleep.

I've cried multiple times every day this week, usually for no reason. Stops whatever she's doing to make sure I'm okay and comfort me. She does almost all of the housework. She puts my need for sleep over her own (our doctor said getting 4 consecutive hours would help with the baby blues). She makes sure I get out of the house at least once a day and chauffeurs me around since I can't drive again until next week. She hasn't complained once about being the one stuck irrigating my incision twice a day.

My parents visited us in the hospital twice a day and have been to our house daily since we left the hospital. Crys gets along with my parents just fine. But my dad has been joking a lot, mostly about little stuff. Like the fact that he doesn't get burped well enough after eating. Or that Crys needs to move her ashtrays that are in the backyard. Between the joking, the constant visits and the lack of sleep, Crys is starting to get a little annoyed with my dad. I don't blame her and have send her on little errands the last few times they've come over. She still sees them but for shorter periods of time. When she's here, she's nothing but nice to my parents and really doesn't mind that they just want to spend time with their grandson.

I'd love to do something nice for her on Mother's Day, but she's my only means of transportation. So I might try to give her a full nights sleep. If she has one downfall, it's that she's a heavy sleeper and doesn't hear Emmett on the monitor. So she would just sleep right through the night if I didn't wake her. She's been an incredible support and has no problem putting her needs behind mine and Emmett's. There's no way I could have handled all this without her.

All through the night

The good nights are so good and the bad nights are so bad. Our first two nights at home we basically took turns sleeping in the recliner. Once, we were both sleeping in bed but I was positive he was crying and the monitor wasn't picking it up, I swear I heard it, but he was sleeping soundly. I ended up sleeping in the recliner until Crys came in to check on us.

We've finally mostly gotten over worrying about him dying during the night. I have to remember that even when I was sleeping in his room, there was no way I could have known if he wasn't breathing because I don't wake up until he cries.

Our decision not to co bed almost didn't work out on the first night home. We'd get him to sleep, put him in his crib and then hearing him screaming less than five minutes later. We finally put his travel bed in the crib, it's about the size of his hospital bassinet. We're hoping to get him sleeping in his crib soon, but we're not too worried since this arrangement works well.

The best night we've had by far was Tuesday night. He ate at 10pm, 2:30am and 8am. When he wasn't eating, he was sleeping. It was heaven. We went to bed together and slept together for the first time since the night before our induction. The worst night has been all the rest. Last night was especially hard because he slept all day. When he wants to sleep, there's nothing we can do to make him stay awake for an hour or two. When he wants to be awake, there's nothing we can do to make him sleep. Last night he was awake from 7pm to 4am. The hardest part was he'd trick me into thinking he was going to sleep, like take a bottle and fall asleep mid feeding. Then stay asleep while I was burping him. I'd get in bed and he'd wake up screaming. We're hoping to have more nights like Tuesday and fewer nights like last night. But what are the chances?



The "I'm making a dirty diaper" face

The hat I make him wear to bed, I don't think he cares for it very much.

My new favorite picture.

What about mom?

I'm a pretty fast healer and take pain pretty well. In fact, the doctor who did my mastectomy couldn't believe that after I got home I only used my pain pills at night (trying to sleep with a line of staples in your chest is...uncomfortable). But this c-section really got me.

Well, it started during labor, 95% of all my blood pressure readings were high. The ones that were normal were barely low enough to be considered normal. Of the high ones, several were dangerously high. My blood pressure readings in recovery and in my postpartum room were almost all high. I didn't have any other hypertension warning signs like blurred or spotty vision, headaches, etc. So no one got overly concerned. But Monday morning I started seeing spots and when we went in to the OB (more on that in a bit) I asked to be put on medication. We could have continued to monitor it but I've been down that road before. I take my blood pressure once a day for two or three weeks, change my diet and exercise habits and still end up on medication. It's happened before. Frankly, the last thing I need is another thing to worry about. So, my OB prescribed the medication I was on three years ago in the same low dose. We're going to see if this can bring it down enough for my body to regulate my blood pressure on its own. Then I can stop taking it.

Not only are c-section incisions in an inconvenient place as far as movement goes (every time I laugh, I can feel the incision) there are a lot of layers that have to heal. This morning in the shower I looked down and saw a lot of blood. I didn't think anything of it since v.aginal bleeding is normal. Then I realized it was probably coming from my incision. I had Crystal check it out just to make sure (I can't see the incision very well) and it was coming from the incision. So I placed a pad in my underwear to cover the incision and called my OB, a nurse was supposed to get back to me. An hour later the pad was full and no call back. Crys got mad and said if I didn't call the OB again, she would. So I called. We made an appointment for the afternoon and then I spent the rest of the morning crying. Yey for hormones!

Turns out I have a seroma. My body is supposed to absorb the drainage building around the incision, but it isn't. So a fluid pocket has formed and is leaking out the incision. It isn't dangerous, my OB took a culture to make sure an infection hasn't developed and now Crys gets to irrigate the incision twice a day. We mix a pint of warm water with a pint hydrogen peroxide and she uses a large needle less syringe to get the mixture in my incision. It isn't the most pleasant job for her, but she doesn't mind. Actually, now that she's used to it, she thinks it's kind of cool. We go back on Thursday to make sure the incision isn't infected.

Oh, and I spent most of the appointment crying. The nurse, OB and Crys were all fabulous. We've stocked up on tissues just in case this continues. Monday night I got four hours of sleep (the most since before my c-section) and we got a nap on Tuesday afternoon. I think that helped because yesterday was a good day. But there are a lot of hormonal changes going on in my body so I'll probably cry again. And again...

Yesterday was Emmett's first appointment with the pediatrician. He has surpassed his birth weight by 2 oz, he's 10.3 pounds now. Our doctor said he couldn't be happier with Emmett. He's a healthy newborn. In the hospital we were told to wake him up every four hours to eat. At night we were waking him up, something we weren't fond of doing. So we asked if that as still necessary and the doctor said it's not. We're now going 4.5 to 5 hours between feedings and we're all very excited about that! During the day, it's usually a shorter interval, but at night is when we want him to sleep longer anyway. So no complaints here!

All in all, the healing is going well, it's just a little more difficult than I'd anticipated. Luckily, Crys is fantastic and is taking good care of me. Emmett is a great baby and to my surprise taking care of him, even when he's screaming, helps me calm down when I'm crying. We've had some stressful moments and I'm sure there are more to come, but we've also enjoyed our son and look forward to watching him continue to grow.

Our birth story

We labored for about 12 hours before the c-section but it was fairly uneventful. P.itocin was started around 6 am and my contractions started immediately at 2-3 minutes apart. It wasn't bad at all, I couldn't really feel them. Around 9 am my OB came in to break my water. There wasn't much I could see, but I still couldn't watch so I just stared at the ceiling until hearing the nurse say, "nice and clear fluid". I asked if it was done and the nurse was shocked I hadn't felt anything. The doctor just said, "see, I told you she's tough." Even breaking my water didn't really increase the intensity of the contractions, so I was still pretty comfortable. I could feel them, but didn't really need to breath through them.

Then around eleven the pain started to pick up. It felt like my pelvis was cracking every time I had a contraction. I had an IV with the P.itocin and fluids in my right arm but the cords for my monitor were coming out on the left side of the bed. So movement wasn't very easy. Crys had a hard time untangling me whenever I went to the bathroom. For pain management I was allowed to walk around my bed, stand and sit on a birthing ball. Just standing helped quite a bit but I had to keep getting back in bed because Emmett wasn't cooperating with the monitors very much. So after a few hours of really feeling my contractions, I decided to get an epidural. I only made it to five centimeters and was disappointed that I caved so early, but when your options for other types of pain management are limited, you do what you have to do.

My mom got impatient (and bored at work) early in the afternoon and got to the hospital around 2:30. She was just going to sit in the waiting room and read, but since I was trapped in bed and not in pain, we let her stay in the room with us. It was nice to have the extra company and Crys felt better about leaving me when she needed to update her family. Mom saw our hospital bag and asked if we were planning on moving in, which was funny because the nurses said they hadn't seen anyone pack that light in years. The nurses kept telling me I was making progress. From 5 to 5-6 to 6-7 centimeters dilated. So I was pretty happy with how things were going. Then at 5 pm my L&D nurse said my OB was assisting a c-section at 5:30 and wanted to do a c-section on my afterwards. I just wasn't making enough progress. It was disappointing but I had no desire to be on P.itocin for two days.

My OB had a chance to stop in my room before the first c-section and that's when I found out I'd stalled at 5 centimeters around 1:00. She told me it was the nurse's job to be optimistic about my progress and she just couldn't say I was 6-7 centimeters dilated. Well crap. That made the decision to do surgery a little easier to take. She said she could feel a pointy little head trying pretty hard to make progress, but nothing was happening. Then everything happened so quickly, I didn't have time to feel anxious or scared. The anesthesiologist was really nice. He got me good and numb and then told us what was going on during the c-section, he warned me there'd be a lot of pressure and pulling during certain parts of the procedure and then always gave me a heads up before it happened.

Then we heard him cry. There was no waiting to see if he was okay, he was born screaming. The doctor held him up over the drap so we could see him and Crys got a quick picture. Because his big head had spent so much time in my pelvis at 5 centimeters that day, he had a huge conehead. In fact, four days later, his head is still rounding out. The first thing I said was, "is he blonde?" Then he was in the warmer and Crys tried to give me updates, but it was hard to hear her and she was just thrilled with our new baby. Every time I looked at her face, she was just overjoyed. I know she told me pretty early on that he had a firm grip. But I don't really remember anything else she said. Because he was so big, everyone got quiet right before his weight came up on the monitor and there was a lot of noise when he weighed in at 10.1 pounds. Thats when the OB said she didn't feel bad about doing a c-section and I completely agreed. Right before they pulled him out, Crys said she heard the OR nurse say, "good lord, that's a three month old in there!"

We spent at least half an hour in recovery, maybe more. Just the three of us and our L&D nurse. Crys was allowed to carry him to recovery and hold him when the nursery nurse was done with him. Then they finally let me hold him. I was happy for our time in recovery before going up to our room because my parents, brother and his fiance were all waiting for us. We didn't get much of a chance to hold him after we left recovery. At least, not until they left. Our time in the hospital passed quickly with a lot of visitors and getting to know our son. We were discharged Sunday afternoon and are knee deep in caring for him right now. Life is good.

Our son

I started writing about our birth story, but decided I'd rather write about what a sweet little boy we have.

He coos and squeals and makes the cutest little noises that we both just love. And sometimes, he'll shriek in his sleep. At first, when he'd do it, one of us would start getting up to comfort him, but he wasn't even awake. Just making noise in his sleep. Right after my c-section, the nurses had to check my bleeding every 15 minutes. The first few times, it was just Emmett, the nurse and I (Crys was off calling her family). Emmett would be in his bassinet making his little noises so we'd know he was still there and no one was giving him attention. We hadn't expected such a big baby to make such pathetic little noises, but he does and it's pretty darn cute.

He's going to stay a big baby. When our pediatrician came to see us Friday morning he mentioned that babies tend to lose weight for a few days but that he's not worried about Emmett losing too much, he has plenty to spare. Friday night Emmett weighed 9.12 pounds. Last night he was up to 9.15. It takes most new born babies two weeks to get back up to their birth weight. Looks like Emmett is trying to set a record for getting back to his original weight. We're predicting that by his appointment with the pediatrician on Tuesday, he'll be back up to his birth weight. It does help that he's a bottle fed baby. But still.

He sleeps with his arms over his head, like he's trying to surrender. We've stopped swaddling his arms next to his body and he's a happier baby for it. He likes to wave them around, especially when he's startled. There are a lot of other little things that would take me days to write about, so I'll stop there. So far, he's a good baby and we adore him. Crys has had a look of absolute adoration since the moment the doctor held him up for use to see.

Our hospital stay should be over very soon. Emmett has the okay to leave and we're just waiting for my doctor to show up. For the most part the nursing staff has been terrific. Our nurse on Friday was worthless. Because of her I ended up going 20 hours without any solids (it could have been much shorter) and she didn't check my bleeding, incision or uterus once. At that point I only needed to be checked a couple times a day, but she didn't bother doing it at all. Luckily, she's the only bad nurse we've had and our favorite nurse was assigned to us two nights in a row.
Even though its not very exciting, my next post will be about our birth story.

Whoa baby!

Emmett has arrived! All 10 pounds of him! I had the exact opposite of the labor I wanted to have but I have absolutely no regrets about it. I can't imagine how big he'd be if we had waited any longer so induction was the way to go. Then my labor stalled at 5 centimeters for about 3 hours so the doctor decided to do a c-section. I was a little disappointed by that but after we found out how big he was, I was pretty happy it worked out that way.

I'll blog more about our experience this weekend. Right now we're all just hanging out in the hospital resting. Crys and I think he's pretty perfect.