Where's the trust?

There are a lot of things involved in the process of trying to conceive that I don't care for. I'm not terribly fond of charting my ovulation cycle or the stress involved in trying to find the right day to have the shipment sent. It can be a little early, but if it's too early or even a little late we're screwed. I don't care for peeing on sticks or having doubts about my fertility. I resent the fact that we have to pay for sperm but wish we could pay for more than one attempt each month.

But of all these things, nothing bothers me more than not being able to trust my own body. When we're waiting to find out if the most recent attempt worked, it's easy to read too much into what my body is doing. Yesterday I was so tired I slept almost all afternoon. Early sign of pregnancy or the result of a busy weekend? Last night I had to get up and pee four times even though I stopped drinking water around 8pm. Did I just have too much too drink despite when I stopped? All weekend I've had mild cramps. Early PMS? Maybe.

Four months ago I would have been sure I was pregnant. Now, I'm just annoyed that I can't trust my body or myself really. I have to ignore my first instinct to believe that it finally worked. Luckily I'm getting much better about not taking pregnancy tests too soon. Last time I managed to wait the full two weeks. I'm also less neurotic about the potential symptoms and don't read too much into them.